YOU CRY ALONE >>>>>>>>>>

nottoneed @ 2008-08-28T00:36:00

2008-08-28T03:45:17Z

Ummmmmmm ... so, ummmmm ...

EVERYBODY!!

Even, ummmm, the people who usually don't look at what other people write very hard, everybody who writes here and that's a lot of people, even you ... strange people who write creepy things, you too ... everybody just pay attention for about five minutes, okay? Just try?

I was going to write something about this because I've been thinking a lot about it but I've been shy and nervous but then I thought ... oh, why not! It might be really good, and what's the worst thing that could happen? So everyone ... everyone try to be open-minded for just a minute, okay?

Okay, so, ummmmm, I've talked some about this to Harry and some other people before, but I think it's so sad how there are just so many people here and we barely even know each other. There are hundreds ... there are farmers and kings and everything inbetween, and I think that's really just amazing, but how many people do you really talk to? Don't you want to use this amazing tool to meet and touch as many people as possible? I know I do ... but we all get into this pattern of only paying attention to people we know and we forget how amazing this all is! ♥!

Ummmmm, so, I had an idea! I think that, one a week, on Wednesday, I guess, because that's today and it's a good day because it's right in the middle of the week ... somebody writes in their journal and just says one thing about themselves, and then as many people talk to them about it as they can. Just ask them questions or maybe say that you have something sort of like that or even disagree with whatever they say, just say something! And then talk about it! Just the first person who thinks of something to write, write it!

I know it's hard to get outside of that comfortable little circle, but wouldn't it be just amazing if we started getting to know some new people on these journals?

It doesn't have to be something really specific or personal ... just what kind of desserts you like! Or whether or not you're good at checkers! Or how good you can sew! Just something! And ... and ... ummmmm, yes ♥!

I think it would be really, really good ... and I think that we can all try it ...

So, ummmmm ... what does everybody say? Thank you for taking the time to read ... ♥

nottoneed @ 2008-08-24T03:22:00

2008-08-24T06:31:08Z

[Filter: Private]

Maybe ... maybe he realized that what he was doing was wrong, and he just stopped. It's been forever, and he still looks at me funny, but that doesn't mean anything so long as he doesn't actually do anything. And Brian is still talking to him, so that's good, too, just in case things get bad again.

I can't be upset about this all of the time. Mum loves him ... he's really turned her around. I've never seen her so whole and happy. And that means there's something good about him.

Maybe he really has stopped, forever.

[Filter: Public]

I really can't believe it's only a month until the Festival! Does anyone have shopping done yet? I have one present bought, but I got it back in February so it doesn't say very much about how hard I've been working, does it ♥?

It's so exciting, I love the Festival ♥

My flowers are going to start dying soon, but I'll keep them all pretty until them!

~~Um, so I had this thought and that made me have an idea~~

nottoneed @ 2008-07-01T10:51:00

2008-07-01T13:53:49Z

[Filter: Private]

He really isn't going to do anything about it, is he? ... I don't know what I'm going to do, then.

[Filter: Public]

It's been so hot all week, my flowers are all looking a little droopy. I really hope it cools off. They just don't look as pretty like this and there's really nothing I can do to fix it. Hmmmm ...

I probably wouldn't have time even if there was something to do about it, though. It's been so busy lately.

nottoneed @ 2008-05-31T17:12:00

2008-05-31T20:13:46Z

[Filter: Private]

... I want to hope that was enough that he'll do something and it wouldn't be my fault, but it's been weeks since we talked and nothing's changed, yet.

He's supposed to be taking care of me.

At least Arthur hasn't done anything in a while ...

[Filter: Public]

Oh, Miss Enid was in here this morning, Brian. I didn't want to ask her about your dad because I didn't want to be rude, but have you noticed anything?

nottoneed @ 2008-05-11T23:02:00

2008-05-12T02:04:00Z

[Filter: Private]

He ...

I can't let this keep happening. I really don't know what else to do. What if he hurts Mum? He really might. ~~But she~~

I just don't

[Filter: Brian]

Ummmmm ...

nottoneed @ 2008-04-18T03:23:00

2008-04-18T06:31:43Z

[Filter: Private]

Well, it really seems that everybody agreed that I should tell somebody. And it should probably be Mum, really, but ... well, I can't tell Mum. I just can't. Arthur is the only thing that's made her happy at all. She never used to smile or be able to get up out of bed on some days and if not for Arthur then she'd still be like that. What would happen if she knew what Arthur was doing?

... but who else can I tell? I can't leave her here with him when he could do something, maybe, even though I don't think he would. If I told Brian, he'd probably kill him or something like that. I don't really have any other friends, not real friends. People who I'm nice to and so they're nice back, but ...

It's not fair. I do everything I do so that people will be my friends, so that people will like me, so there are people I can trust ... and right now I really need somebody I can trust and there's nobody at all.

I can't tell Mum, no matter what everyone says. I really just can't. And I can't tell Brian. Anyone else would tell Mum or Brian or they wouldn't do anything and

And I just don't know.

I don't want him to touch me again. What if he does more, next time? I just don't understand. I'm not that pretty and he has Mum, so why does he need to do this?

nottoneed @ 2008-04-04T19:53:00

2008-04-04T22:57:05Z

[the writing is disguised with medium success; a trained or especially skeptical eye might be able to tell this is her]

[Filter: Women]

Um.

Let's say that something really bad happened, like ... like someone hurt you. A man hurt you. Let's say he touched you or did something that he shouldn't have done. And it's a man that you know, it's a man you're supposed to trust, and people you love really care about him. And you have a good reason to think it's going to happen again ... maybe a lot of times again.

Do you think you should tell someone about it?

nottoneed @ 2008-03-29T02:45:00

2008-03-29T05:48:57Z

[the writing is the tiniest bit stiff]

Ummmm ... well, we're really thawing out here, so I guess it'll be time to start working on my garden for this year! I'm really excited for that ♥. Keeping my garden really relaxes me and I feel like I'm doing something useful at the same time, which is just the best feeling ever. And I don't mind being all covered in dirt and fertilizer at all ♥! ~~Actually, that might be~~

I guess I should start working the soil in the next couple of weeks, and going to market to see which seeds I want to get. I only ever use annuals. Perennials are a lot easier to take care of usually, but I like the challenge, and annuals are always so much prettier. ♥ A little more expensive, too, but I save up my money for it, so it's not that bad.

Yeah ... that's gonna be really nice, I think.

nottoneed @ 2008-03-25T22:06:00

2008-03-26T01:09:06Z

[Filter: Private]

I can only stay out for so long, and everytime I come back, he's looking at me. I ... I don't even want to write about it. I know that writing about things helps make them better, isn't that what I always tell Brian and Mum? But I don't want to write about this ... I don't even want to think about this. It's just awful. It really, really is.

... I should tell Mum. I should! She's believing a lie, right now. I should tell her, and I should try to make him go away before this gets worse, because it's going to get worse, I know it is. He can't stop there. He won't stop there, he just won't. Nobody stops halfway, ever.

I should tell Mum, or tell Brian, or tell someone, but there really isn't anyone I trust enough to tell. I do everything I can to be friendly to everyone, but I don't think anyone really wants to be friendly to me, or help me when I need it.

I need help. It's going to happen again, and I just know this time is going to be worse.

nottoneed @ 2008-03-21T23:59:00

2008-03-22T02:59:28Z

[Filter: Brian]

Ummmmm, are you busy?

nottoneed @ 2008-03-19T19:18:00

2008-03-19T22:20:45Z

[Filter: Private]

... oh ...

nottoneed @ 2008-02-12T21:19:00

2008-02-13T01:23:34Z

[Filter: Private]

... I don't think it's all my imagination. And I don't know what to do.

But Rose Day needs to be perfect anyway! Now more than ever, I need to make sure Brian's happy! Mum won't protect me. I know she won't, and so it has to be Brian! All my other friends are too far away, or don't care enough. It really, really needs to be perfect.

nottoneed @ 2008-01-28T23:03:00

2008-01-29T03:04:28Z

[Filter: Private]

~~... maybe it's just~~

nottoneed @ 2008-01-23T18:02:00

2008-01-23T22:04:25Z

[Filter: Private]

~~I wish he would stop~~

I need to start planning the Rose Day meal ... I wonder where we'll have it, though. Mum and Arthur will probably want this kitchen, and Brian's dad ...

[Filter: Public]

Brian! How's things going with your Dad and Enid ♥?

nottoneed @ 2007-12-12T02:18:00

2007-12-12T06:20:19Z

Ummmm, so Brian, we're still going to do that thing at the market today, right?

Oh, and Mister Rory, I've been worrying about you ... have you been feeling any better, lately ♥? I've been praying for you!

nottoneed @ 2007-11-12T14:49:00

2007-11-12T18:53:02Z

My Dad died out there fighting bandits when I was a little girl. I guess that's what the Day of the Fallen is all about, right? Remembering people like him who died, even though it wasn't a real war. I never really knew him, so I can't really miss him, but it does make me think about how much I would have loved to get to know him. And that makes me sad ... really sad, actually.

I'm so proud of him anyway, though. My dad died to help make Dentoria safer. I think that's really something to be proud of ♥.

I guess I just want to say that my thoughts and prayers are with everybody who's fighting the bandits now. I kind of think Dad's spirit is out there fighting with you all ♥ When we win and they go away for a long time again, that'll be worth it. I know it will.

nottoneed @ 2007-11-01T03:10:00

2007-11-01T07:13:06Z

[Filter: Private]

I barely even remember him. It's probably so weird to get sad on this day, but I just think of those little things I do remember, and it's sad. Every year ...

I don't know how I can miss him when I never even knew him.

... Mum doesn't seem like she's that sad at all today, though. She knew him. She loved him! It's probably because she has Arthur here, now, but I don't think that's fair. Shouldn't she miss him anyways? He was my Dad ...

I don't know ...

At least Arthur really seems to like my pumpkin pie ♥! I'll take some over to Brian as soon as we get back from the service, I think. He always likes it.

nottoneed @ 2007-10-28T01:20:00

2007-10-28T05:23:01Z

[Filter: Private]

It's all so different.

[Filter: Public]

Boo, my flowers are dying. It always happens around this time of year, but I'd love them to be able to stay a little bit longer ♥. Oh, well, I still have to take care of them until they just can't make it anymore!

... we went to the market today, to get more lace, but the lady who sells it to us said the caravan that brings it up from Rhia never showed up. She thinks it was the bandits ... ohhh, I hope that fixes itself soon, it seems like the only place that's safe at all is inside the cities these days! It's just awful.

nottoneed @ 2007-09-26T17:33:00

2007-09-26T20:38:40Z

[Filter: Private]

It's been so long since I've written a real entry like this, so I think I should do one now. There's so much stuff in my head, I just have to put it somewhere. Just like I used to ...

I guess it's not true that I'm not upset at Mum at all anymore. I mean, she did leave out of nowhere, and I had to do all that work all alone, and we're never going to get that chance ever again. But what's being mad at her going to help? Nothing, really, so why bother? I'll just let her know I'm still not happy about it in my own way until she feels bad about it.

... if she even notices. I mean, it's okay! I'm not upset at that! She's so in love with him and it's actually really nice to see her so happy ♥! He is a really nice guy, too. He's really friendly with me. But he's not my Dad, and she kind of ... it's like she doesn't even notice I'm here when she's around.

And I think Brian is upset at something again, even though I don't know what. Maybe it's just being back home. I wish he'd just talk to her father or at least his brothers. That might fix so much. Men don't make any sense, sometimes. Brian always says that I should confront things head on more, but he doesn't do it at all himself, and that's what men are supposed to do, right? Confront things head on, all manly and stuff? I don't know.

My poor flowers really are looking a little wilty, but they'll probably be fine with a little water and love ♥. It actually is kind of a good thing, I guess. The garden is something that I can do without having to be inside the shop. He's there all the time, now. They really do love each other. Mum seems soooooo happy. That's a good thing, right? Yeah, that's right. The flowers are going to die soon anyway, but I like it when they look healthy until the last minute. It makes me feel good ♥.

That Harry boy is nice to talk to, though. I hope he makes it as a knight! And he doesn't get hurt out there ... I guess we're really lucky that we didn't meet any bandits. All these stories I keep here are really bad. It's so sad that sort of thing is happening so close to home. I'm sure Brian would have taken care of me though. He always does ♥.

Wow, I feel so much better already! I really need to write things down like this more, especially since I keep telling Brian to. It's just so good to get your head all cleaned out ♥. I think I'll go work in my garden now.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Emma.

nottoneed @ 2007-09-22T23:11:00

2007-09-23T02:10:27Z

Ohhhh, it's so nice to see Mum again ♥♥♥! She's back, did I tell you all that? She was just waiting here for me, and she's okay! I was so worried something awful happened to her! ... Arthur's here, too, but maybe that could be okay. I haven't had a Dad forever. They're married now, so ...

Well, anyways, it's just so nice. I'm so happy to be home ♥! My flowers are looking a little wilted, too, but that's okay! And it's Festival ♥!!

nottoneed @ 2007-09-20T16:01:00

2007-09-20T18:56:28Z

Ummmmmm, well, there's the city ♥ ... I'm a little worried, I guess. Brian says I shouldn't expect to find her there. I want her to be there so bad, but maybe he's right. I don't know.

I guess we'll see pretty soon.

nottoneed @ 2007-08-25T20:55:00

2007-08-25T23:55:02Z

I'm getting a little bit more used to riding, I think ... I still can't go very fast, but when we trot and stuff, it doesn't hurt anymore ♥! So that's good. It's actually a little fun now, as long as we're walking. And the countryside is so pretty. It's really amazing how different things look from outside Eblar. This is the first time I've left it.

I think it's actually really good that we didn't find Mum. She's probably home in the shop now, and I'm not really mad anymore. It could have ended up really bad if I'd really yelled at her, or something.

nottoneed @ 2007-08-17T00:56:00

2007-08-17T04:08:53Z

Oh, Milesia was just so pretty. Even though we couldn't go right inside and see the really nice places, like the Summer Palace or the Royal Gardens, we saw the parts that they let people pay to see, and it was so wonderful I thought I'd died and gone to heaven! It all smelled like flowers and there were big honeybees everywhere and I've never seen so many bright colours. Ohhh, and the fountains were just beautiful ♥♥♥♥♥! It was the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

We didn't see Mum or Arthur, though. I guess we missed them ...

But after seeing the gardens I feel so much better ♥! I'm sure Mum has a good reason ... I'm sure she does. She wouldn't have just left me to go get married unless it really, really mattered to her ...

nottoneed @ 2007-07-26T13:43:00

2007-07-26T16:52:15Z

Well ... she's not here. But that's okay. I mean, it's not okay, but I'm not worried, because the priest says that the last time he saw them, she was fine. He said he's taking her up to Milesia to see the gardens and the palace before they come to back to Eblar, so they can enjoy being married.

Married. I can't believe Mum actually got married without me, all of a sudden, and she just left me there to finish her work. And she didn't even come back once she was done, she's just out having a holiday all over the countryside ...

I just can't believe this. It's so not like her!

Brian and I are trying to decide if we're going to stay in this village and wait for them, or if we should go after them. There's a little inn here and it's pretty cheap and I'm so tired ... but I don't know which is better ...

Oh, I just can't believe this!! A little part of me was so sure she was hurt or something, but ... but no, she's just awful after all. I'm her daughter. I just can't believe her.

nottoneed @ 2007-07-20T13:32:00

2007-07-20T16:33:46Z

We should be there in a couple days according to this map, ummm, though it's a little bit hard to read. We'd be there already if I could ride faster ... I'm sorry, Brian, but it's really hard. Even going this slow I hurt all over.

... I hope she's there.